Everything I ever needed to know I learned from my cat in kindergarten.


IThere is no one watching.
IIThere is nothing else.
IIILife continues even when you're not paying attention.
IVSo what.
VHaving a kid won't save a marriage.
VIPower is not given, it is taken.
VIIIt is easier to defend against an enemy than a friend.
VIIIIf it was that bad, you'd do something about it.
IXThere is no problem so large that it can not be made worse, by simply driving faster.
XNever con a con artist.
XINever show your surprise.
XIINever let your guard down.
XIIIKeep your mouth shut.
XIVDon't trust anybody.
XVMake as many friends as you can.
XVINever make large, life-changing decisions while under duress.
XVIILife is largely about moving things from one place to another.
XVIIIIf you volunteer or offer to help somebody, help them their way, not yours.
XIXIf you have to fight, fight dirty.
XXIf it was really that bad, you'd do something about it.
XXIIf you get rid of all the people, all the problems go away.
XXIIOn some level, everybody is selfish.
XXIIIOverall there are more constructive people than destructive people.
XXIVYou'll never alienate anybody by keeping your mouth shut.
XXVSometimes the right answer is not always the best answer.
XXVIIf it happens once, it's a fluke. If it happens a second time, it'll probably happen again.
XXVIIThe difference between zero and one is infinitely greater than the difference between one and two.
XXVIIIAsk for four cookies.
XXIXYou don't want to be number one. You want to be number three.
XXXInteresting driving phenomenon #1: If you get mad at the people who drive up the empty lane when you're sitting in traffic, it is you who are wrong, not them.
XXXIInteresting driving phenomenon #2: Driving in the direction away from the sunrise or sunset can cause traffic.
XXXIIInteresting driving phenomenon #3: Ambulances and emergency vehicles are good for stop and go traffic.
XXXIIIIf you want to play, make the first move.
XXXIVRange weapons good, melee weapons bad.
XXXVAlways dress for the occasion that your car might leave you stranded for a few hours.
XXXVIIf it's that important, you'll make the time.
XXXVIIDon't shit where you eat.
XXXVIIIIt is better to have a friend than an ex-girlfriend.
XXXIXLook out for number one.
XLThe only laws you have to follow are the laws of physics.
XLIDriver's comfort.
XLIIThe secret to being cool is to not try.
XLIIINever procrastinate getting gas.
XLIVIt is better to be lonely than miserable.
XLVThe fewer things you care about, the less conflict there will be in your life.
XLVIYour personality is what's left after you're done adapting.
XLVIIIf you don't like what you see, don't look.
XLVIIIEverything we see, touch, feel, smell, taste and sense in any way is a really bizarre representation of what actually is.
XLIXYou only have to worry about the first thing.
LThe problem is not your job, the problem is your inability to separate yourself from your job.
LIInformation is key.
LIIBored people are lucky, they have the most time to decide what they want to do with their life.
LIIIInteresting driving phenomenon #4: Free gas from rental car companies.
LIVPeople need to lie to themselves because they can't deal with reality.
LVAvoid procrastination.